This might seem like an odd topic for a musician/performer but I assure you it isn't. It's about #aging gracefully.
As someone who worked in theatre for many years, I was expected to maintain an image. With a light soprano voice and that "ingenue" quality, I was expected to look pretty and fit. I needed to emulate those leading ladies of the MGM musicals like Shirley Jones, Cyd Charisse, and Deborah Kerr. Those were the expectations for women musical theatre performers of the 80's and 90's. And while I enjoyed making my living in music theatre, I had another dream too. I had a dream of working on a cruise ship.
My chance came about 25 years ago. The producer I approached about the job on a ship told me he would hire me to work for him as a singer and dancer but he wanted me to dye my hair red. Fine. I was totally down for a makeover. So, I did it and I LOVED IT! I soon discovered I was getting cast more and in stronger female roles. Apparently, this red hair gave me an appearance of strength. Even though I might be wigged in a show, I began to get roles like Babe in Pajama Game and Kate in Kiss Me Kate, in addition to singer/dancer roles on cruise ships.
So fast forward to August 2024. I'm getting ready to return to school for my 2nd master's degree. School starts in two weeks. I've been worried about how to afford hair maintenance while paying for school. I started thinking about how long I have been dying my hair and how much it's cost me and I think a conservative estimate of what I've spent during this time is $32,000. WHOA! (I had a Carrie Bradshaw moment - remember when she realized how much she had spent on shoes?) Plus, my hair is looking really damaged even though I use good products. Then came JULY 31, 2024.
On July 31, 2024, I spent $225 for a haircut and color. I told my stylist that I was interested in maybe growing out my grey. My colorist suggested taking my roots one shade lighter and doing some highlights to blend in the grays. And she screwed it up....just like last time. She left the color on forever, made the roots too light (Bozo red), and all I had left was a BIG HOT MESS. (More of those details in the next post.)
That's when I made the decision. I'm not doing this anymore. I'm tired of having hair that looks fried and like I went swimming with a toaster. I'm tired of finding money for the upkeep. I'm tired of trying to convince people I'm younger than I am. I'm tired of worrying that I won't get a job after grad school if I have grey hair. I'm TIRED OF THINKING I CAN'T BE ATTRACTIVE with grey hair. It's time to let go. It's time to grow out my grey hair and see what's under all this damaged, frizzy, red hair. (And no, I did NOT go for to her to fix it. I did that last time and am DONE putting chemicals on my head. DONE.
For the courage to stay focused on this journey, I will think about my mom.
My mother was completely white by age 32. And her hair is GORGEOUS!!! She always gets compliments on her hair and it's 100% natural. Now, I KNOW that what is underneath my dye is not totally white. I saw some of this during the pandemic. I won't be getting her hair but I will be letting go and seeing what is under there.
I'm nervous. I know this is gonna be hard. I know my hair is gonna look crappy for a while and that will be difficult for me to transition since for SO long it was important for my hair to be just right. I still perform as a jazz singer and am pretty sure my hair will be a disaster around the time of my Christmas concerts. However, I want to embrace the real me. I want to embrace the person who is under the dye, who has some wrinkles and a few extra pounds, and who never wants to stop learning and growing.
So join me, won't you? I'm gonna let it all hang out and we'll see if I can make it. I'm gonna grow out my grey hair inch by inch and see what I can learn while on this journey.
I'd be very curious to hear about your journey if you've been on it or ARE on it. Time to let go.
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